Kraven
New member
> Hangover rating system
>
> One Star Hangover (*)
> No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
> well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel
> this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
>
> Two Star Hangover (**)
> No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you
have
> the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only
> increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity
> pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite
> havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
>
> Three Star Hangover (***)
> Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
> Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
> flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life
> would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy
reruns.
> You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet
Coke
> --- yet you haven't peed once.
>
> Four Star Hangover (****)
> Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else
you
> might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has
given
> you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't
> hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies,
> it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your
> eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter
is
> in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the
> day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
>
> Five Star Hangover, (*****)
> You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
> employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every
pore
> and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your
> mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the
poop
> fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your
tongue
> is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the
> stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate
> results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare
> 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to
> splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about
> right now....
>
>
> One Star Hangover (*)
> No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively
> well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 5 sodas and still feel
> this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.
>
> Two Star Hangover (**)
> No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you
have
> the mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you are chugging is only
> increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the fruity
> pancake from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite
> havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.
>
> Three Star Hangover (***)
> Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive.
> Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the
> flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life
> would be better right now if you were home in your bed watching Lucy
reruns.
> You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 iced teas and a diet
Coke
> --- yet you haven't peed once.
>
> Four Star Hangover (****)
> Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else
you
> might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has
given
> you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't
> hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. (For the ladies,
> it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars.) Your
> eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter
is
> in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the
> day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.
>
> Five Star Hangover, (*****)
> You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the
> employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every
pore
> and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of
your
> mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get the remnants of the
poop
> fairy out. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your
tongue
> is suffocating you. You don't have the foggiest idea who the hell the
> stranger was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate
> results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare
> 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be to
> splash the toilet water all over your ass. Death sounds pretty good about
> right now....
>
