Dilemma

[JMG]

I agree with what ESi-HSi stated. You are not in a relationship with this guy. I would discuss with your sister that this incident bothers you very much and then leave it at that.

I know a lot of mature young kids (say 15 to 18) and I know some immature 21 year olds. I think this guy is likely a product of his environment. If Mom & Dad are "well off", maybe the kid never had to "grow up". Hopefully, he learned from making a very bad mistake. As someone else stated, remain civil and try to get to know him and see if you can determine whether he has changed from that immature 21 year old of the past. Also, do not go into your relationship with him already have determined he has not changed. You would be setting him up for failure, before actually getting to know him.

Then if he is still a little prick and your sister marries him . . . . . Start thinking of a place to hide the body . I'm just kidding!

 

[beginnerhunter]

I know a lot of well adjusted people who would have done something like that at 21 years of age. Fortunately, they never experienced an accidental discharge and had to live with severe consequences like your story.

If I did something like that, I'd never hold another gun the rest of my life.

 

[Addicting]

I work in Law Enforcement and have a definite set of religious beliefs. I believe people make stupid mistakes all the time. Some you can recover from and others...not so much. I am a firm believer that you can forgive people for mistakes but that does not mean you have to forget why they did. I also believe that the biggest predictor of future behavior is past behavior. That all boils down to my religious beliefs tell me to forgive but the cop tells me not to forget.

If you feel very strong about the incident, get a copy of the police report, read it all and then talk with him about it. If he admits he made a huge mistake and does not try and dismiss his stupidity...maybe that will help you to be able to get past it.

+1,

Remember it is not necessarily what you did in the past, it's what did you learn, and what are you doing now. If you continue to make the same mistakes over again then you are going to reap what you sow. If you learned a lesson, paid your dues and do not repeat it than its not our place to judge it. God knows I have made my fair share of dumb mistakes.

 

[esracerx]

Appreciate everyone's thoughts on this delicate subject. Sounds like most of you are in line with how I feel on the whole thing. My sister made last minute plans to take my dad out to dinner for fathers day. I have yet to meet him, my dad had met him. But didn't know about his history at the time. We both backed out of dinner. I didn't feel comfortable going to a fathers day dinner with somebody I had never met. I chose to go to my grandparents for dinner. I think I'd feel a whole lot better about him if my sister had handled this more appropriately. I found out through a friend. When I asked her to come over to my house she didnt know why. We talked a little bit and told her she needed to tell our parents before they find out the same way I did. My biggest thing isnt necessarily that his friend died. But that someone can be so careless. And like Utah400 said, the greatest predictor of future behavior is past behavior. The young man's parents are separated. His mom is engaged to a South African diamond broker. He just bought a house, and now a new boat. He bought the boat from the place my aunt works. Whether he knew it on the phone dealing with her or not, she did not have a good impression of him. She sad she was already having a rough day and then he called...and called...and called. Apparently his boat wasnt ready yet. Then when it was ready his lift wasn't in and was complaining about that. So I'm already getting the spoiled rich kid vibe on top of the other stuff.

By all accounts he has expressed his remorse. He had his 2 years to think about. And he has the blood of his friend on his hands his entire life. He's done some other stupid things...like back into my sister's car after she told him to let her move it. So I'm already thinking this guy is just an idiot. But if shes happy and hes treating her right that's all that matters I suppose.