Development of life ?

[mdcrossbow]

Which area seems to be the most blurred out ?
Raising 2 of my sons. And building a new business caused not much time for the pleasures of hunting, fishing and just getting away. 90s much of the same with #3 son but by then I got the hang of thing. Kids in sports , scheduling routines allows to slide hunting and fishing into open slots. Mainly early mornings, tie-up in coaching boys sports.
One major priority was church.
Now a days Sunday hunting competes for this slot and I'm thankfully my boys were tought priorities.
It's the people we invite to share our lives with, the opportunities we chose to invest in, the priorities we place on life which give us the memories in later life.
The seasons of life pass in a blink of an eye. Leaving many to wonder, why am I here or WOW that was a great ride.
No one knows the time they will depart so making the most of the season your in right now, working on the goal that set before you and being involved in the lives of those you love will greatly inhance the attitude and zeal for life as you move through each season.

 

[Nameless Range]

Thanks for this post.

I'm only 39, have 3 kids (14,9, and 6). I feel like I have been in a midlife crisis for a while now - thoughts that try to behold the passing of time bringing on near panic attacks. I can be at work, or even out hunting, and will all of a sudden feel an urge, a panic, driving me to stop what I am doing, run to my kid's school, pull em out and take them fishing. Work, volunteering in other venues, personal hobbies - should one abandon them all and soak every second you can up with your children? Do you, as a father who has watched time pass, wish you would have?

It's my first year trapping, and the other day my kindergartner and I went and set some muskrat traps. I told him that after school the following day we'd go check them. He went to bed talking about it, told everyone at school including the teacher and bus driver what his afternoon plans were. Ran to me in the parking lot in excitement. Just blindly electrified in his happiness at the prospect.

All our kids want from us is a relationship, and when they are small, in that particular nexus of innocence and passion...Jesus, I don't know a thing more beautiful and heartbreaking.

Time sure goes by fast, and can also end any minute. It's tough to think about - what's most important in life and what's not but is necessary, and how to balance the two.

 

[J-Booda]

the opportunities we chose to invest in

You got that right! A lot of times it's the little things. I'm 56 with a 30 and 28yo. My daughter(28) says to me a few days ago, "You remember when we'd ride our bikes to the creek [behind the golf course] and look for golfballs?" She was in pre-k at the time. Yeah, I remember that. "That was fun, wasn't it?" Yes, yes it was! Didn't realize that little thing made that much of an impression on her.

I watch the parents picking up their kids at the bus stop. The kid is walking along, talking about something... who knows what. And dad is scrolling on the cellphone. Missed opportunity.

 

[MNElkNut]

Three kids here. Sophomore daughter in college. Twin 9th grade boys. I volunteer for some conservation orgs. But a few years back, I said in the event of overlapping time commitments, my kids always win. Best thing I ever did.

I was just talking with my daughter about hunting with parents. When I was young, my dad gave me the best opportunities. Then for a long time, we were on equal footing. Then my kids came along and I gave them the best opportunities (ie, Giving them the option of which side of the swamp they want to walk for pheasants or which deer stand to sit in). Now, my kids are all experienced and I am starting to move toward the equal footing model (ie, you chose last time, I am walking this side this time!).

Remember Randy's famous quote, "Go hunting now as you will run out of health before you run out of money" or something like that. Sometimes I add in Go hunting now...with your kids... Hits even harder then. You can also replace hunting with fishing or looking for golf balls or whatever.

 

[JMG]

You cannot look at your life and worry about the "would haves or should haves", especially when raising your kids. There is no book that explains how to raise kids and you basically do the best you know how at that given time. Time is precious with your family no matter what it involves. My wife, one remaining son, and I are coming up on the five-year anniversary of the death of my oldest son. He passed away due to an accidental fall at the age 20. The news was devastating to say the least and it still hurts today, but you learn to live with the pain. My son drew a bull elk permit for the Missouri River Breaks here in Montana. The hunt involved just me, and my son and I will always cherish the memory of being on this hunt with just he and I. I have included the link Here. He died the next year. My advice is just spend time with your kids/family/loved ones and build those memories for the both of you, because things can change in an instant. At the same time, don't live scared of what might happen.

Nameless - "It's my first year trapping, and the other day my kindergartner and I went and set some muskrat traps. I told him that after school the following day we'd go check them. He went to bed talking about it, told everyone at school including the teacher and bus driver what his afternoon plans were. Ran to me in the parking lot in excitement. Just blindly electrified in his happiness at the prospect." My guess is that your son was excited to spend time with his father ... sure checking traps in the woods was a part of that excitement, but none the less ... spending time with HIS Dad.

 

[thomas89]

Oof.

I am hard on myself as a stay at home dad for not embracing some of these little moments more. Some days it seems like we’re just fighting to make it to bedtime without meltdowns. I find that when I’ve been able to get away by myself for a bit I come back a better, more present, parent. I think a lot of the dads I know take their kids hunting/fishing way more than I do, but selfishly I need that time to recharge.

Reading these posts makes me realize how very fortunate I am to not have to shuffle schedules to make those special times with the kids.

 

[BlakeA]

Great thread. @JMG I'm so very sorry for your loss. As a father of two boys myself I cannot imagine losing one of them.

I read somewhere that 90% of the time spent with your children is from ages 0-18. It's a chapter in one's life that truly flies by in the blink of an eye. I've had lots of time prior to having kids to be selfish and do the things I wanted to do whenever I wanted do them. Now, it's all about my family and doing my best each and every day to slow down time and make as many memories that we can. Introducing them to the outdoors and taking them hunting and fishing has been an absolute blast. Living for the here and now and being present with them when at home is what my wife and I try our best to do. You'll always want more time, but that's just life. Enjoy the chapter you're in and make the best of it. Like others here have stated from personal experience, it goes by wayyy to fast and things can change in an instant.

 

[rjthehunter]

Thanks for this post.

I'm only 39, have 3 kids (14,9, and 6). I feel like I have been in a midlife crisis for a while now - thoughts that try to behold the passing of time bringing on near panic attacks. I can be at work, or even out hunting, and will all of a sudden feel an urge, a panic, driving me to stop what I am doing, run to my kid's school, pull em out and take them fishing. Work, volunteering in other venues, personal hobbies - should one abandon them all and soak every second you can up with your children? Do you, as a father who has watched time pass, wish you would have?

It's my first year trapping, and the other day my kindergartner and I went and set some muskrat traps. I told him that after school the following day we'd go check them. He went to bed talking about it, told everyone at school including the teacher and bus driver what his afternoon plans were. Ran to me in the parking lot in excitement. Just blindly electrified in his happiness at the prospect.

All our kids want from us is a relationship, and when they are small, in that particular nexus of innocence and passion...Jesus, I don't know a thing more beautiful and heartbreaking.

Time sure goes by fast, and can also end any minute. It's tough to think about - what's most important in life and what's not but is necessary, and how to balance the two.

Its heartwarming to read this. I was once just like your kindergartner!

About a month ago I started seeing a single mother with a 4 y/o son. I'm only 26 and don't have any kids. But have nieces and nephews and spend a fair amount of time with them. We agreed that we will focus my time with her and not her son. She said he'll like me regardless. Yesterday when I went over to see her, he had to show me his new hat he got... Camo just like mine!

Really makes a guy feel bad for a kid growing up without a father. I couldn't imagine growing up without one. They cherish the time they get to spend with you more than you can imagine. I remember being a kid just wanting to go hunting and fishing with my dad all the time.

 

[mdcrossbow]

@JMG I'm so very sorry for your loss. I know a few fathers who lost a child and they say it never gets easier.
I've dreaded the thought and it's kept me on my knees praying for them. For there wives to be and grand kids that will come.
I'm lucky in a way my 2nd son works running the shop these days, we've had strong differences and it hasn't been easy because we are so much alike but I'm thankful that I'm there for him through all his ups and downs. He said yesterday : "I'm asking you this because you have always been right about these issues." Plus he has a passion for hunting and a joy for life. It's funny how God knows what I need and how to keep the zeal for life in me.

 

[The_Jim]

I was gone for 11 days elk hunting this year and I always start feeling homesick after day 7. I gave up a lot of hunting this year to spend time with the kids and we did some great stuff but it almost seemed to make me feel more homesick this year when I was gone.

When I got home all 4 of my kids(11,8,6,2)were playing in the sandbox together - they instantly dropped everything and ran across the lawn to give me hugs. Just typing this and replaying the moment in my head makes my eyes well up.

We all come here to talk hunting but when you look at the big picture there’s a lot of things far more significant than our hobbies.

 

[rtraverdavis]

Great discussion. It reminds me of the David Foster Wallace analogy about awareness:
There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?”

I have the same schedule as my kids (who are five and seven) and so get to spend a ton of time with them. Sometimes I'm tired, or have work to do, or just want to be alone, and the attention they need and have come to expect from me requires a sort of self-mustering that can be pretty damn difficult at times. But just about every single day there are these simple little moments of magic that I get to witness and participate in that get stored like gold in a bank inside of me. It's worth it--I just have to pay attention.

One of the best decisions we ever made as a family is absolutely no screens during the school week. When we get home from school, we play. I stay off my phone, they don't watch TV. Yesterday we were super secret special agents. Today, we're going to go see if we can find some winter range bucks near our house. I don't always want to be a super secret special agent, and sometimes I'm not very good at it. We may not find any deer today and there may be some tears on our hike, but we'll be together.

Thanks to you other guys who have reminded me why.

 

[HuntTalk Freak]

Damn you guys, I almost broke down in tears reading this thread. I’m keeping the girl home from school the rest of the week and I’m going to show her the ropes of grinding venison and making sausage. I have the teepee set up in the back yard with rain and a cold front coming in so we can go hang out.

In my thread last week about a night in a tent I stated that I hadn’t spent a night out alone in almost a year due to how I feel about my responsibilities as a father to be home every night. I tell you what thought that night was a good recharge and I think as parents we all need that, men and women both.

 

[noharleyyet]

A trickle charge of hundreds of selfless family efforts like this so the grandkids and grownkids can feel the magic of a holiday.

https://flic.kr/p/2peyQHZ

Shared respect, affection always, hard work/hard play, thank you, you're welcome, I love you more, friendships, kindness to strangers, checking on people and listening to them...hearing them.

Timely and important introspection @mdcrossbow ...gettin' misty in here.

 

[OntarioHunter]

I lost my son to a seizure in the middle of the night fourteen years ago in a few weeks. It's 3:00 a.m. and I'm up because of a dream about him. It never goes away. I just learn to live with it. Wife died in a car accident ten months after him. Most nights it's her turn to make an appearance. It's rough but at least I get to see them.

Yesterday I pulled a buck down to the vehicle for a buddy. We figure just under a mile. He's got a tricky back and bad knees so I had him carry the rifles. Just glad at seventy-one I can still do it. A bit of snow on the ground would have made it a lot easier! I recall thirty years ago accidentally shooting two muley bucks the same size as this one (with one shot!) and similarly dragged them down a mountain with my belt ... hooked together. Not sure if I could do that today but I would probably try if there was snow on the ground.

Life indeed passes in a blink. Try to see as much as you can while your eyes are open. Don't smoke and watch your weight. Make that blink last longer.

 

[BearFoot]

Raised by a single mother, oldest of three boys, I longed for the outdoors. I lived it through books and magazines, and woods near buy. Now with three of my own offspring, got a eighth grand baby coming up. I am so grateful they all love to hang out. Especially when I'm smoking pork, ribs, or brisket. We play in the yard, camp, fish, hunt, party, go on ATV runs, explore.
I am purposely influencing my family to take on new experiences, and just do stuff, go for it.
Yesterday My oldest red headed girl 13, missed the school buss doing girl prep stuff. Her mom told her no basket ball practice if you miss that buss. She went late, missed it and sighted a moose. A lot of cows around. She looks up the buss company, calls them and says, "went to catch buss, but moose" they sent the buss back to pick her up. She did basket ball after school. We are amazed at this play and talent.

 

[Gut Shot]

A lesson for you younger guys:

Time isn't constant. A year isn't 365 days, a day isn't 24 hours and an hour isn't 60 minutes. Time moves faster and faster the older you get. You may think you have 30 or 40 or 50 years of hunting and good times ahead...it'll be gone before you know it.

 

[noharleyyet]

Like toilet paper, the smaller the roll, the faster it goes.