trophy_killer
Active member
LOL
Sounds almost like giving a cat a bath.
Sounds almost like giving a cat a bath.
cats an dogs
- Thread starter trophy_killer
- Start date
AZHUNTERR
New member
For those of you that have cats... You will crack up at this.. I did..
gets funnier as you read on.
Dog care underneath. Lmao!
I have both cats and dogs..so I can relate to this.. as I know some of you
have cats and dogs too!
So I thought I'd share.
How to give a cat a pill..
Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side
of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding
pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow
cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding
rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to
back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of
ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave
head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden
twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty
pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large
piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and
pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture
shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
gets funnier as you read on.
Dog care underneath. Lmao!
I have both cats and dogs..so I can relate to this.. as I know some of you
have cats and dogs too!
So I thought I'd share.
How to give a cat a pill..
Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side
of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding
pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow
cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding
rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to
back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of
ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse from garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head
firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop
pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered
figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force
mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer
to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood
from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open
another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave
head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot.
Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the
road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid
cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden
twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty
pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large
piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and
pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and
forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture
shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local
pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
Elkhunter
New member
LOL
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