300wsm
New member
In the 1880’s there was a bartender in New Jersey who suffered from asthma. On the advice of his doctor, he moved to Arizona, where the dry climate would help him breathe easier. He wandered from town to town, looking for work, and found a job tending bar in a remote little silver mining town. The bar’s owner instructed him. “This place can get pretty rough, especially on Friday night after the miners have been paid. We have a pretty good sheriff who can handle things most of the time, but there is a man he won’t mess with, named Bad Bob, who lives up in the hills, working a claim. When he comes to town, get on his good side right away, give him whatever he wants, and hope he leaves without breaking the place up too bad.”
The bartender remembered this advice. The owner was right about Fridays, but things weren’t too bad until one day, a terrified man stuck his head in the door and shouted, “Bad Bob’s comin’ to town!”
In seconds, the bar was empty! Spilled drinks and overturned furniture were everywhere, so the bartender began straightening up. In a few minutes, he heard a terrible noise in the street. He looked out the door, down the street and saw the biggest man he had ever seen, dressed in a lion skin, riding the back of a wild buffalo, using a live rattlesnake for a whip. The man was huge and muscular, with a beard to his waist, and hair over his shoulders. He jumped off the buffalo as it ran by the bar.
He walked up to the saloon, ripped the swinging doors off the hinges and tossed them into the street. He went straight to the bar, kicking furniture out of his way. He pounded the bar with his fist, shattering the solid oak surface. “Gimme a bottle of whiskey!” he shouted. The bartender immediately gave the giant a fifth of fine Kentucky bourbon. The man bit the neck off the bottle and chugged the entire fifth, then turned to leave.
The bartender wanted to make a good first impression, so he said, ”Sir, would you like another drink?”
The man turned and looked at the bartender. “No, I’m getting’ out of here. Bad Bob is comin’ to town!”
A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in Africa. She took her faithful pet Poodle along for company. On day, the Poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long the Poodle discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The Poodle thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder is there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard, "That was close. That Poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it to the leopard for protection. So off he goes. But, the Poodle saw him heading after the leopard with great speed and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the Poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What ever am I going to do now?" But instead of running away, the Poodle sits down with his back to this attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet and just when they get close enough to hear the Poodle says, "Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
The bartender remembered this advice. The owner was right about Fridays, but things weren’t too bad until one day, a terrified man stuck his head in the door and shouted, “Bad Bob’s comin’ to town!”
In seconds, the bar was empty! Spilled drinks and overturned furniture were everywhere, so the bartender began straightening up. In a few minutes, he heard a terrible noise in the street. He looked out the door, down the street and saw the biggest man he had ever seen, dressed in a lion skin, riding the back of a wild buffalo, using a live rattlesnake for a whip. The man was huge and muscular, with a beard to his waist, and hair over his shoulders. He jumped off the buffalo as it ran by the bar.
He walked up to the saloon, ripped the swinging doors off the hinges and tossed them into the street. He went straight to the bar, kicking furniture out of his way. He pounded the bar with his fist, shattering the solid oak surface. “Gimme a bottle of whiskey!” he shouted. The bartender immediately gave the giant a fifth of fine Kentucky bourbon. The man bit the neck off the bottle and chugged the entire fifth, then turned to leave.
The bartender wanted to make a good first impression, so he said, ”Sir, would you like another drink?”
The man turned and looked at the bartender. “No, I’m getting’ out of here. Bad Bob is comin’ to town!”
A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari in Africa. She took her faithful pet Poodle along for company. On day, the Poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long the Poodle discovers that he is lost. So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The Poodle thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he notices some bones on the ground close by and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the Poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder is there are any more around here?" Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard, "That was close. That Poodle nearly had me!" Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it to the leopard for protection. So off he goes. But, the Poodle saw him heading after the leopard with great speed and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the Poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What ever am I going to do now?" But instead of running away, the Poodle sits down with his back to this attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet and just when they get close enough to hear the Poodle says, "Where's that darn monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"
