AITA (Am i the @$$hole)?

[longbow51]

Some times it's not just about being closer to immigrants. One of my wife's good friends married a Mexican immigrant and now live about 3 hours away from us in a different state. they've talked about moving closer to us and her family but one of the reasons they don't want to is the lack of immigrants or should I say the backwards treatment of immigrants where we're from. It's more about the culture as a whole than just the immigrant culture. As terrible as this sounds, there's no doubt in my mind that if they moved back to our hometown he would be discriminated against due to where he's from.

The OP mentioned nothing about discrimination, and as he works in the medical field that is highly unlikely. We have Sikhs walking around in turbans and no one looks twice.

 

[NEWHunter]

Haha, actually we would be in southwest Florida (Naples) though so the prices may be more sane.

Yeah right! I was in Naples for night on spring break about 20 years ago and almost passed out - not from the consumption of alcohol but the price. It was like $14 a pitcher for Miller Lite.

 

[Western Traveler1]

Yeah right! I was in Naples for night on spring break about 20 years ago and almost passed out - not from the consumption of alcohol but the price. It was like $14 a pitcher for Miller Lite.

I was thinking the same thing. I think my club soda at the Hurricane Bar was like $7 25 years ago.

 

[mtmiller]

Move to Florida. Let me know when you sell all your hunting stuff.

 

[WesternRookie]

The specifics probably don’t really matter but we met in the Midwest and that’s where I assumed we would return when the time came and we had that talk a decade ago. Now her family lives in very urban southern Florida and there are both relatives and fellow immigrants there.

I live in South FL in an urban area, and I can tell you, it is difficult to live here when your mind is on the mountains, wide open spaces devoid of people, and crisp clean air. However, it sounds like you have a good bit of disposable income. My advice if you move down here is, buy a nice center console, get into offshore fishing, lobstering/scalloping, etc. and enjoy the lifestyle down here as much as possible since you will be stuck here. Going offshore 50+ miles is the only way to get any breathing room down here, but you do see some cool stuff offshore. My wife lets me go on 1 western hunting trip per year usually, so if you can get away with 4 weeks, that sounds pretty darn awesome to me. I'd turn that into 2-3 separate trips, maybe even 4. Also, you can get a lease in South GA for deer and hogs.

 

[Marshian]

Move to Florida. Let me know when you sell all your hunting stuff.

Hunttalk lacks the vomit emoji option or I would’ve used that one! . No way I’d ever part with that stuff, then I’m truly dead inside.

 

[Jwill]

Good luck on the move. Also, I would try to negotiate the vacation up front with any prospective employers. I've been able to negotiate better vacation amounts a couple times when switching jobs.

 

[Pucky Freak]

Tough situation, I would not want to move either, and definitely not to FL.

Before we got married, my wife and I agreed we would build a large house sooner than later. It is something we both wanted. After being in our current house for 4 years, I realize that I really want to downsize, not upsize. My wife and I have a difficult task ahead of us of renegotiating our agreement. However, I am confident we eventually will work out a solution that we both will feel good about.

In these kind of situations I review what my most important values are: faith, marriage, family. My other needs and wants are important, but they take a backseat to the first three.

If I were in your shoes I’d say something along these lines: “Honey, I love you. I love our daughter, and I love your mom. I promised you that when you grew tired of living here we would move. That’s a tough pill for me to swallow because I love living here, I love hunting here, and I have worked hard to build my medical practice. I had hoped that by having you and your mom to see each other often it would work out well that you would be fine with staying here. However, I hear you that it is not enough. I am committed to our marriage and our family. Let’s figure out somewhere we can move to that we can compromise on. I don’t think I can swing Naples, but I’m sure we can land on another place we both can live with.”

 

[WesternRookie]

Naples is easily the most expensive place to live on the West coast of FL. The beaches and the water there and just to the north (Captiva, Sanibel, Boca Grande) are beautiful though.....doesn't get much better actually. Great tarpon and snook fishing as well

 

[Sytes]

Tough situation, I would not want to move either, and definitely not to FL.

Before we got married, my wife and I agreed we would build a large house sooner than later. It is something we both wanted. After being in our current house for 4 years, I realize that I really want to downsize, not upsize. My wife and I have a difficult task ahead of us of renegotiating our agreement. However, I am confident we eventually will work out a solution that we both will feel good about.

In these kind of situations I review what my most important values are: faith, marriage, family. My other needs and wants are important, but they take a backseat to the first three.

If I were in your shoes I’d say something along these lines: “Honey, I love you. I love our daughter, and I love your mom. I promised you that when you grew tired of living here we would move. That’s a tough pill for me to swallow because I love living here, I love hunting here, and I have worked hard to build my medical practice. I had hoped that by having you and your mom to see each other often it would work out well that you would be fine with staying here. However, I hear you that it is not enough. I am committed to our marriage and our family. Let’s figure out somewhere we can move to that we can compromise on. I don’t think I can swing Naples, but I’m sure we can land on another place we both can live with.”

Damn! That, right there, is free advice that would eagle any 6 month paid marriage consultation.

 

[Randi]

From what you’ve written, it certainly seems you’ve done quite a lot to please her. I hope you both can find a reasonable compromise that you can live with. Best of luck.

This is probably not what you want to hear, but speaking from a married female point of view

1. You received an education and met the woman you love, who gave you, a daughter that you love. Referring to your post, I dont feel you "gave up" your twenties, but invested that time and did so very well
2. Again, as a married female. You have loved your wife, provided for her with a home, education, vacations and because of your education and work ethics, she can be a stay at home mom, which she wants to do. You love your daughter and provide for her as well. You have and do help your mother in law with vacations and a home. I know a LOT of married women who would think they died and went to heaven to have a husband like you. If anyone should be thinking about how to make it work at this point without upsetting the apple cart, it should be your wife. In fact, to go a step further, even your mother in law should be singing your praises to her daughter and be thanking God, her daughter found and married a good man.

I agree with the two married females above. I can only hope that I find a man like you when I am ready to get married. And I will guarantee you that my mother would also be happy for me, even if I didn't live in the same state. My marriage would be more important to her than her living next door to me.

I enjoy Alaska, a lot, but miss Texas a lot also. But, there are worse things in life than living in Florida, even California. We ( humans ) tend to focus on the negatives instead of the positives. Beaches for you and your family are beautiful ( with or without the females in string bikinis ), the scuba diving is great, the sailing is great, every Caribbean island offers something different, some very attractive turkeys to hunt in Florida, fishing is spectacular ---"look" for the positives, not the negatives. Buy a convertible sports car, put the top down and turn up the radio and drive thru the "keys". Believe me it could be worse, you could be stranded in Afghanistan

In closing I have a question: Do you have a single brother with your qualities who likes horses ?

 

[rmyoung1]

Hey, @Marshian , I empathize with your situation. Ten years ago I moved to San Antonio, TX. I grew up in Yellowstone NP. At the time of our move, my wife and I were living in Durango, CO. I thought the move to South TX would kill me. It didn’t. Here’s some of what I’ve learned: There’s a lot of blessing where you can’t always see it at first. And nothing is worth tearing apart a family. More than your wife needs to be close to her community/family and more than you need access to western hunting/lifestyle, that little girl needs a home with a mom & dad who love her and love each other. Everything else pales in comparison. Don’t let divorce be an option!

 

[Southern Elk]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky we all are to live in the U.S. Imagine if you had to live in Afghanistan. Imagine having to raise kids, especially daughters, in a place like that. No matter where you end up in this country, you will be fortunate to live there.

 

[Randi]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky we all are to live in the U.S. Imagine if you had to live in Afghanistan. Imagine having to raise kids, especially daughters, in a place like that. No matter where you end up in this country, you will be fortunate to live there.

Exactly, which was one of the points I tried to make in my post . Living in a large city ( New York, L.A., Chicago, etc ) in America would be hard for me, but everyday would be like a picnic on the beach compared to living in several middle east countries, china, india, Venezuela and closer to home, Cuba.

Florida may not be my first choice in America, but I could carve out a life there and be happy doing so. I would have to sell the quarter horses and buy Arabs but that is o.k., as the change might be fun.

As others have said, your family is more important than which state you live in. In my case I moved with my parents to Alaska, but I will move back to Texas, and my dad jokes with me about how much I will miss him and I joke back and say "maybe"

 

[rmyoung1]

I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky we all are to live in the U.S. Imagine if you had to live in Afghanistan. Imagine having to raise kids, especially daughters, in a place like that. No matter where you end up in this country, you will be fortunate to live there.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

 

[NR_Hunter]

I read the OP to my gf to get her perspective and she thinks Marshian needs to put his boot down. To put things possibly a little harsh, my gf thinks Marshain has given his wife everything she’s wanted and now maybe his wife always expects to get whatever she wants.

I also told my gf that she better not get any ideas.

 

[Clam]

Good luck. It doesn’t sound fair that you provide so well and generously for all, and she cannot just graciously accept your location as part of the package. Sounds a little selfish. But, in all fairness, I really doubt my significant other would tolerate living in a small town near where I hunt, particularly during the winter.

One positive is there are many, many worse places to be than Naples Fla.

 

[Marshian]

Figured I’d add a follow-up and thank everyone for chiming in. After a couple of Florida job offers and much deliberation, my wife and I decided to remain in Montana. I’m truly blessed to be married to her and sometimes hearing things from a third party like you guys helps drive things home better and makes a man appreciate what he has. Of course I’m happy to remain in Montana, but I’m much more thankful to be blessed with a supportive wife and daughter.

 

[Nick87]

Glad to hear

 

[noharleyyet]

Happy endings are undefeated...