AZHUNTERR
New member
Dear President Bush:
Instead of sending our sweet, young soldiers over to face the terrorist
hords, here's a better idea!!
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us
for
a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks,
moisturizer with SPF45, Prozac, hormones, chocolate &canned tuna - drop us
(parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Iraq, and let us do what
comes naturally!
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff
like grocery shopping &paying bills, is formidable enough to make even
armed
men in turbans tremble!
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and
their future!!!
We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And
for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with
whom
to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning.
We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet &
the
grapefruit diet in gyms &saunas across America &never lost a pound. We
can
easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Iraq with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware
stores, or sporting events, so finding Hussein or bin Laden in some cave
will
be no problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Iraq in a new government? - Oh, please
...
we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families
at
Thanksgiving dinners for years. Trust me, we understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for
how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We
know
how to find that money and we know how to seize it - with or without the
government's help!
We've raised enough teenagers that we can easily tell the truth from lies,
or
sincerity from bs., and are experts and finding contraband no matter how
well hidden it may be.
Let us go and fight. -- Middle eastern men hate western women. Imagine
their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken
terrain!
Sincerely, The Mature Women of the United States
-----------------
Instead of sending our sweet, young soldiers over to face the terrorist
hords, here's a better idea!!
Take all American women who are within five years of menopause - train us
for
a few weeks, outfit us with automatic weapons, grenades, gas masks,
moisturizer with SPF45, Prozac, hormones, chocolate &canned tuna - drop us
(parachuted, preferably) across the landscape of Iraq, and let us do what
comes naturally!
Think about it. Our anger quotient alone, even when doing standard stuff
like grocery shopping &paying bills, is formidable enough to make even
armed
men in turbans tremble!
We've had our children, we would gladly suffer or die to protect them and
their future!!!
We'd like to get away from our husbands, if they haven't left already. And
for those of us who are single, the prospect of finding a good man with
whom
to share life is about as likely as being struck by lightning.
We have nothing to lose.
We've survived the water diet, the protein diet, the carbohydrate diet &
the
grapefruit diet in gyms &saunas across America &never lost a pound. We
can
easily survive months in the hostile terrain of Iraq with no food at all!
We've spent years tracking down our husbands or lovers in bars, hardware
stores, or sporting events, so finding Hussein or bin Laden in some cave
will
be no problem.
Uniting all the warring tribes of Iraq in a new government? - Oh, please
...
we've planned the seating arrangements for in-laws and extended families
at
Thanksgiving dinners for years. Trust me, we understand tribal warfare.
Between us, we've divorced enough husbands to know every trick there is for
how they hide, launder, or cover up bank accounts and money sources. We
know
how to find that money and we know how to seize it - with or without the
government's help!
We've raised enough teenagers that we can easily tell the truth from lies,
or
sincerity from bs., and are experts and finding contraband no matter how
well hidden it may be.
Let us go and fight. -- Middle eastern men hate western women. Imagine
their terror as we crawl like ants with hot-flashes over their godforsaken
terrain!
Sincerely, The Mature Women of the United States
-----------------
