YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN A TEXAS CHURCH WHEN. . .

[Left Behind]

Prayers are said for the well being of the Dallas
Cowboys.

The call to worship is "Y'all come on in."

People grumble about Noah letting coyotes on the ark.

The preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take
up the offering and 5 guys stand up.

The restrooms are outside.

Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official
church holiday.

A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-
wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole
it couldn't get out of."

When it rains, everyone is smiling.

Prayers regarding the weather are standard practice.

The choir group is known as the "OK Chorale."

The pastor wears boots.

Four generations of the same family sit together in
worship.

Church activities are planned not to conflict with a
Cowboy game.

There is no such thing as a "secret" sin.

Baptism is referred to as "branding."

There is a special fund raiser for a new septic tank.

Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable.

High notes on the organ can set the dogs to howling.

People wonder, when Jesus fed 5000 whether the two fish
were bass or catfish.

People think "rapture" is when you lift something too
heavy.

The final words of the benediction are "Y'all come back
now, ya hear?"

 

[Bear Creek Adventures]

I don't get it.......

 

[bigmurk]

I Get It!!!....rotflmao

 

[bigmurk]

You know your in Texas when:
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car . . .

You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water . . .

You can say 110 degrees without fainting . . .

You eat hot chili to cool your mouth off . . .

You can make sun tea instantly . . .

You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron . . .

You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance . . .

Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one . . .

It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets . . .

You actually burn your hand opening the car door . . .

Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter . . .

A formula less than 30 SPF is a joke and you only wear that to go to the corner store . . .

Hot air balloons can't go (at all) . . .

No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car . . .

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear, "what if I get knocked out and lay on the pavement and cook to death"?

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

 

[bigmurk]

The Golden Phones:
It seems a man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. He went to a very large church and began taking photographs, etc. He spots a golden telephone on a wall and is intrigued with a sign which reads "$10,000 a minute."

Seeking out the pastor he asks about the phone and the sign. The pastor answers that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. He thanks the pastor and continues on his way. As he continues to visit churches in Seattle, Boise, Minneapolis, Chicago, Milwaukee, New York, Atlanta, and on around the United States, he finds more phones, with the same sign, and the same answer from each pastor. ]

Finally, he arrives in Texas. Upon entering a church in Dallas, lo and behold, he sees the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign reads "Calls: 25 cents."

Fascinated, he requests to talk to the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I found this golden telephone, and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven and that I could talk to God, but, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads 25 cents a call. Why?" The pastor, smiling benignly, replies, "Oh, my son, that's very easy to explain. You see, you're now in Texas and, of course, it's a local call from here."

 

[The Viperess]