US Security

[powderburn]

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered
to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight
while in possession of a ruler, protractor, setsquare, slide rule,
and calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said
he believes the man is a member of the notorious al-Gebra movement.
He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math
instruction.

"Al-Gebra is a fearsome cult," Gonzales said. "They seek average
solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in
a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and
'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have determined
that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval,
with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles
used to say, 'there are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had
wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have
given us more fingers and toes".