mdcrossbow
Well-known member
I bought one for my wife when she attending college for her masters down in DC a long time ago. I was scared to touch the darn thing LOL My son Jake sent me this and said I have got to try this with the one you bought MOM. I wounder about that boy.
Have a good LOL
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
>
> The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra
>
> for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
>
> The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
>
> affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
>
> WAY TOO COOL!
>
>
>
>
>
> Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
>
>
>
>
>
> I loaded 2 AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
>
> disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a
>
> metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and
>
> forth between the prongs.??
>
>
>
>
>
> AWESOME!!!?
>
>
>
>
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of
>
> her microwave!
>
>
>
>
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be
>
> all that bad with only 2 AAA batteries, right?! !??
>
>
>
>
>
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while
>
> I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a
>
> flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
>
> fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was
>
> going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
>
> some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong???
>
>
>
>
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately
>
> on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
>
>
>
>
>
> The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a
>
> two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control;
>
> a three-second burst would reportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out
>
> of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.? ? All the while
>
> I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference;
>
> pretty cute really and (loaded with 2 itsy, bitsy, AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no
>
> possible way!"??
>
>
>
>
>
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
>
>
>
>
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't
>
> do it dumbass," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't
>
> hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the
>
> prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and...
>
>
>
>
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
>
>
>
>
>
> I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then
>
> body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking
>
> up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
>
> fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
>
> position, and tingling in my legs!
>
>
>
>
>
> The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my
>
> face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!"
>
>
>
>
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no
>
> such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until
>
> it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst
>
> would be considered conservative.
>
>
>
>
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my
>
> wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were
>
> on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both
>
> nipples were still twitching My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom
>
> lip weighed 88 lbs.
>
>
>
>
>
> I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
>
>
>
>
>
> P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
>
>
>
>
>
>
> If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid
_________________
Have a good LOL
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
>
> The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra
>
> for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
>
> The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse
>
> affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.
>
> WAY TOO COOL!
>
>
>
>
>
> Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
>
>
>
>
>
> I loaded 2 AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
>
> disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a
>
> metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and
>
> forth between the prongs.??
>
>
>
>
>
> AWESOME!!!?
>
>
>
>
>
> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of
>
> her microwave!
>
>
>
>
>
> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be
>
> all that bad with only 2 AAA batteries, right?! !??
>
>
>
>
>
> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while
>
> I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a
>
> flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a
>
> fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was
>
> going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
>
> some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong???
>
>
>
>
>
> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately
>
> on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
>
>
>
>
>
> The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a
>
> two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control;
>
> a three-second burst would reportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out
>
> of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.? ? All the while
>
> I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference;
>
> pretty cute really and (loaded with 2 itsy, bitsy, AAA batteries) thinking to myself, "no
>
> possible way!"??
>
>
>
>
>
> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...
>
>
>
>
>
> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't
>
> do it dumbass," reasoning that a one- second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't
>
> hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for heck of it. I touched the
>
> prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button and...
>
>
>
>
>
> HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!
>
>
>
>
>
> I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then
>
> body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking
>
> up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
>
> fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest
>
> position, and tingling in my legs!
>
>
>
>
>
> The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my
>
> face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "Do it again, stupid, do it again!"
>
>
>
>
>
> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no
>
> such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until
>
> it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst
>
> would be considered conservative.
>
>
>
>
>
> A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my
>
> wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were
>
> on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there??? My triceps, right thigh and both
>
> nipples were still twitching My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom
>
> lip weighed 88 lbs.
>
>
>
>
>
> I'm still looking for my testicles! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
>
>
>
>
>
> P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
>
>
>
>
>
>
> If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid
_________________
