Puns for educated minds
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but
it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited
for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Vandals made a hole in the nudist camp wall. The
police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
16. The solder who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a
taste of religion
20. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
21. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
22. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
23. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
24. Decimals have a point.
25. He said I was average – but he was just being mean.
26. A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.
27. He stooped over to pick up a sieve and strained himself.
28. A garbage man is often down in the dumps.
29 Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table
was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but
it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class,
because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll
still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited
for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result
in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. Vandals made a hole in the nudist camp wall. The
police are looking into it.
11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.'
13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
said: 'Keep off the Grass.'
15. The short fortune-teller who escaped from
prison was a small medium at large.
16. The solder who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a
taste of religion
20. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
21. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'
22. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
23. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
24. Decimals have a point.
25. He said I was average – but he was just being mean.
26. A criminal’s best asset is his lie ability.
27. He stooped over to pick up a sieve and strained himself.
28. A garbage man is often down in the dumps.
29 Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
