Peanuts

[Elkhunter]

A pastor goes to a nursing home to visit an elderly parishioner.
As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they continue their conversation, he can't help himself and eats one after another.
By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is empty.
He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."
"That's OK" she says. "They would have just sat there anyway. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put em back in the bowl."

 

[Dick Reece]

Thanks Elky, I forgot to fast for my bloodtests this morning,but now it's not a problem

.All I gotta do now is clean my shoes...

 

[muskrat89]

Or, how about this?.....

A guy boards a train, and as he arrives at his designated passenger car, he notes that he is sharing the car with an elderly lady. He settles in - the lady seems nice, but he can't help but notice the jar of oysters that the lady is holding. Now, this guy loves oysters, but feels it would be inappropriate to ask this lady for one, as he has just met her. As the train ride progresses, the lady works away at her knitting, and eventually nods off. After a few minutes, it appears the old gal isn't going to wake up any time soon, so the guy figures that just one oyster won't get noticed. He gently reaches over, sneaks the bottle away, helps himself, and eases the bottle back onto the seat next to her. Well, like Pringles, one is never enough, and the guy keeps sneaking them one or two at a time, until he notes with panic that the jar is empty. Well, not wanting to get caught in an awkward situation, he tosses the jar out the window, hoping the old lady will think she forgot it somewhere. Eventually, they reach their destination. They're gathering up their things, when the old gal breaks into a violent fit of coughing, as old folks are known to do. Hacking and face turning purple, the lady is pawing around the seat and mutters "Dammit, where'd I put my phlegm jar??" Sorry guys

<FONT COLOR="#800080" SIZE="1">[ 05-16-2003 15:52: Message edited by: muskrat89 ]</font>

 

[trophy_killer]

LOL Elky

Muskrat, that is just wrong.

 

[Elkhunter]

Muskrat that was bad, real bad.

 

[Dick Reece]

Thats got to be the nastiest joke I've ever read...

 

[muskrat89]

Geez - sorry

Bein the new guy and all, I felt I had to make a dramatic entrance, to the joke forum

 

[Dick Reece]

Well by Gawd,you most definitely accomplished yore objective...mmmfff...beeeellch....barrrffff

 

[ELKCHSR]

EEEEEWWWWWWW!!!!!
That was nasty!!!
Good joke and welcome aboard!!!!