B
bcat
Guest
Attention Visitors: Montana Tourism Council Bulletin:
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than
you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure
as hell deserves it.
2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because I need
it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah,
we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your
butt kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little
13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
you paid in the airport.
9. The Vikings and the Twins are as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two
packets of sugar and a long spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice.
12. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have quarter of a million dollar combine that we drive two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
15. Yeah, we eat walleye, and northern pike too. You really want
sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
Interstate 94 goes two ways, I-15 goes the other two. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a
religious holiday held the third Saturday in October. You can get
breakfast at the church.
18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks
the fish.
20. Yes, we shoot the doves. They're songbirds. They taste delicious!
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.
This list of rules will be handed to each person as they enter the state.
1. That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than
you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure
as hell deserves it.
2. It's called a 'gravel road'. No matter how slow you drive, you're
going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because I need
it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah,
we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your
butt kicked...by our women.
5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little
13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to
your ear at the time.
8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
you paid in the airport.
9. The Vikings and the Twins are as important here as the Lakers and the
Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.
10. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of
ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two
packets of sugar and a long spoon.
11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over
ice.
12. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We
have quarter of a million dollar combine that we drive two weeks a year.
13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
14. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So,
you're a feminist. Isn't that cute?
15. Yeah, we eat walleye, and northern pike too. You really want
sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
16. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it?
Interstate 94 goes two ways, I-15 goes the other two. Pick one.
17. The "Opener" refers to the first day of pheasant season. It's a
religious holiday held the third Saturday in October. You can get
breakfast at the church.
18. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
Try to understand the concept.
19. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks
the fish.
20. Yes, we shoot the doves. They're songbirds. They taste delicious!
Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.
