The Viperess
New member
Martha's way #1:
Stuff miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar
cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone,
for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch
with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag
with the potatoes.
My way:
Buy mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up
to a year.
Martha's way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan,
use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be
any white mess on the outside of the cake.
My way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha's way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still
cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the
excess salt for an instant "fix me up".
My way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's
too damn bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it
and I don't care how bad you think it tastes.
Martha's way #5:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub
it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
My way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you
can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime
juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the
headache anymore, it is because you are now BLIND!
Martha's way #6: (also known as the Karen rule)
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice
cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
My way:
Leftover wine? When the hell does THAT happen?
Martha's way #7:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex
dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes
opening jars easy.
My way:
Go ask the neighbor with the cute butt to do it.
Martha's way #8:
Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just
slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse.
My way:
Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial
soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.
Stuff miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar
cone to prevent ice cream drips.
My way:
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone,
for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch
with your feet up eating it anyway.
Martha's way #2:
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag
with the potatoes.
My way:
Buy mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up
to a year.
Martha's way #3:
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan,
use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be
any white mess on the outside of the cake.
My way:
Go to the bakery. They'll even decorate it for you.
Martha's way #4:
If you accidentally over salt a dish while it's still
cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the
excess salt for an instant "fix me up".
My way:
If you over salt a dish while you are cooking, that's
too damn bad. My motto: I made it and you will eat it
and I don't care how bad you think it tastes.
Martha's way #5:
Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub
it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
My way:
Martha, dear, the only reason this works is because you
can't rub a lime on your forehead without getting lime
juice in your eye, and then the problem isn't the
headache anymore, it is because you are now BLIND!
Martha's way #6: (also known as the Karen rule)
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice
cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
My way:
Leftover wine? When the hell does THAT happen?
Martha's way #7:
If you have a problem opening jars: Try using latex
dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes
opening jars easy.
My way:
Go ask the neighbor with the cute butt to do it.
Martha's way #8:
Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just
slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse.
My way:
Mashed potatoes will now be replacing the antibacterial
soap in the handy dispenser next to my sink.
