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Beware the Portland Pizza

Big Fin

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Thanks to some foul Portland pizza, I got to spend eight hours Thursday nights in the ER, jostling with the crowd of homeless and drug-addicted that take refuge in local ERs on cold nights like Thursday night.

Around 11pm I texted Matthew that this pizza might be the end of me. Little did I know how prophetic that might be.

An hour later my body had a pizza rejection. I’m the worst at vomiting in the world. Which is why I’ve only vomited about three times in my adult life. But, there was no holding back.

I stood over and the toilet spraying foul pizza. Three successive blasts that felt like I was being gutted alive. Then the room started spinning. Evidently the exertion was too much for someone with inherently low blood pressure and a resting heart rate near 45.

When awoke I was laying in the shower in a pile of broken glass that once was a shower door and glass curtain. I looked over and remember seeing some puke on the side of the toilet. Damn, I better get that cleaned up. On my hands and knees I crawled over, only to realize my right arm wasn’t working.

Looking down I noticed a lot of blood and much of it was coming from two big holes in my right forearm. Oh oh. This looks like a problem.

6C8557CE-D8D9-472B-B6F2-E980D11864B9.jpeg
Dang, I better get this taken care of and get to the ER. So I wrapped a towel around it and walked down to the lobby of the hotel and asked where the nearest urgent care was. The lady said you look like you need more than urgent care, and our driver will take you to the ER. So I did.

Now I’m patched up, stapled up and in a sling. Doc says I have a lot of tendons and muscle that are severed in my right hand/arm. I am scheduled for hand surgery Monday morning in Bozeman. Hoping that goes well.

Moral of the story - beware of the pizza in Portland
 
Good Lord Randy!!! Sounds as though things could have been even worse, so there is a bright side for sure. Yes, hoping all goes well with surgery! So Portland Pizza and 5 alarm chili are on the same list now?
 
Pizza story? That is the best you could come up with?

"I had to do some lobbying in Helena".
"You should see what Haines looks like".
"Sometimes there is razor wire at those corner crossings".

In all seriousness, hopefully nothing permanent and you are back to 100% in no time.
 
Good lord. Go big or go home for big fin.

Glad it was not worse and wishing for a speedy and complete recovery.
 
Randy, sorry to hear of your Portland episode. Hope your surgery goes well and you are back to 100 percent in the near future.
 
Oofff. Hope you feel better soon.

I had food poisoning once as a kid. Knocked me out for an entire week. Brutal!
 
Good God, that looks ghastly. What a miserable misadventure. I'd rather be home sick w COVID, which I am. Thanks for making me grateful.

Sounds like you don't recommend the Vegan's Revenge meat lover's pizza?

Sending wishes for a full recovery to your accounting arm. Feel better!
 
Doing a fundraiser tonight for Oregon Hunters Association. Was thinking of donating “Portland pizza dinner for four with Randy Newberg.” Just not sure what that would sell for today.

I forgot about the staples they put in my scalp until I tried to shower this morning. Plucked some shards out of my knee and hip that discovered this morning. Maybe I looked worse than I thought I looked when I walked down the hotel lobby and asked for a ride. I thought the kind lady was overreacting, but given the bloody mess of my clothes and the mop of blood in my hair it was probably a bit of a surprise to her.
 
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