better way out.....

[schmalts]

Tis the season for lunacy. A bunch of cops and rescue squads next door yesterday afternoon. Kids get off the bus and the doors are locked, so they go to the house next door and call mom on cell. Mom comes and picks kids up, pulls in driveway and hits garage door opened to see the man of the house just "hanging around" What a loser, i never cared for the guy much but to do that to 10 and 5 year old kids is selfish as hell. That is an image they will never get out of their minds.
He has been out of work for over a year, she was working 2 jobs. Times are rough, but that is not the answer.
Had a hard time explaining what happened to my kid last night, and told him if he talked about it at school he will be grounded for a month. The kids will have a hard enough time going back the way it is.
Merry freaking Xmas

 

[MNHunter]

Only a selfish coward would do that, especially in a place where your kids will find you. He ruined & ended his life, was it really necessary to try and ruin his kids'? I guess at least he didn't off the whole family like some of those other nutjobs out there.

 

[fowladdict]

Sheesh...just wrong.

 

[Big Fin]

Man, that sucks. Sorry for the family.

 

[noharleyyet]

Traumatic to say the least but the family might be better off.

 

[Sytes]

Prayers with the mother and her two children. Seems situations such as this become a cross roads for children... a make or break time... Those kids really need some supportive figures around. Hopefully, sanity exists in some strong willed family members to accomplish such.

Prayers are with them

 

[the nikster]

We all have our selfish side but that is way, way, extreme.
Children are resiliant but no-one should do that to a child.
Prayers to the family and to the man, he may need it more than any.
Hope the community and church(if there is one) are able to help.

 

[DRAFTSTUD]

We had a "Kid" (18) in our small town do that with a gun Sunday. His dad and girlfriend found him. Schmalts, I hope you can help those kids. John

 

[shortside]

That is a very, very rough deal. I feel for the kids and the mom. She has a lot more on her plate than anyone should have to deal with.

This might be a good opportunity to help them out through the Holidays... something as little as a fresh baked pie, wreath, anything really. Get your kids involved and show them that the spirit of Christmas is alive.

 

[elk_hunter]

Dang, that does suck. That level of selfishness is just wrong. Those kids are definitely going to remember that image, unfortunately. Thoughts and prayers to them.

 

[Grady]

The holiday season often brings out the worst in people. We see it every year.

The guy had to know who would find him when she came home from work, but to do that to your own kids is unfathomable.

Good advice to your son, though, I've seen times where the kids handle it better than the adults.

 

[Goldtip]

Yeah, he was a selfish bastard for doing that to his wife, sounds like he set it up purposefully knowing his wife would open the garage door to that scene, thats a hateful thing to do to someone.

My prayers go out to the wife and the kids.

 

[sreekers]

The thing about suicide is that the mental state can't be really understood unless you have gone through it, the thoughts, not the action. I am not making excuses for the dude, as that is the most permanent, selfish answer to temporary problems. However, most of us never experience the depths of depression that go through some people's minds. Emotions are a tough thing to deal with and we all know that most of us as men don't let it out.

I will be the first to admit that I don't cry enough. I know, that sounds stupid but spending time crying is good for relief. A lot of guys turn to the bottle rather than deal with their problems. Easy to forget, and sadly I would venture to say that more of us are damaged by our Dad's dependence on the bottle than anything else.

I guess what I am saying is that it is pretty easy for us as people to evaluate a situation like that and come down on it hard. Doing what I do for a living, I get to deal with unexpected death more than I would like to admit. Suicides are the hardest ones to deal with. There are no easy answers to give people, and coming down hard on the person who did it is not the best way of dealing with it.

Sometimes it is just not that cut and dry as selfish vs. supportive, good family man, etc. Suicide is not the answer, plain and simple, but bashing the guy afterwards isn't going to do his family any good, regardless of how we feel about it, or how "safe" we think a forum is.

Pray for the guy's wife, pray for his kids. Let them cry on your shoulder, help them move out of the house when it is time. Knocking the guy who obviously could not deal with it anymore isn't an answer.

 

[sweetnectar]

The majority of suicides involve alcohol or drug influence. It usually takes these substances to alter the mind to concent to such stupid ideas. This dude needed to think of others and instead didn't. I mean life insurance doesn't even pay out with suicide.

If your so hell-bent on dieing then why not do it taking out Osama Bin Laudin or some other bad guys or pushing someone out of the way from a speeding bus. What a waste.

Schmalts, you may have to help them move to a different house to get the memory of the scene out of minds.

 

[ashersdad]

Mixed feelings on this one, having lost a couple close buddies to suicide. Selfish as hell, I agree. Especially with kids and a wife. However, as mentioned, it's impossible to know what was going through the guys mind.

Best to pray for the wife and kids. They'll need it.

Not that it matters, but alot of life insurance policies do pay out for suicide if the policy has been in force for 2 years.

 

[sreekers]

The majority of suicides involve alcohol or drug influence. It usually takes these substances to alter the mind to concent to such stupid ideas. This dude needed to think of others and instead didn't. I mean life insurance doesn't even pay out with suicide.

If your so hell-bent on dieing then why not do it taking out Osama Bin Laudin or some other bad guys or pushing someone out of the way from a speeding bus. What a waste.

Schmalts, you may have to help them move to a different house to get the memory of the scene out of minds.

It's easy to call the guy selfish. Were you there talking him through his job loss? Were you there willing to take him to his AA meetings if that was the problem(since it takes chemicals)? Were you there to help walk him through the tough things?

I am not picking on you personally, but there is likely a lot more that could have been done. This isn't so cut and dry as trying to simply tell die as a "hero" if you plan on committing suicide.

 

[schmalts]

I will just say I did not get along with the guy for the same reason. Not that we argued out loud but he was not the type anyone walked over and talked with and had a beer in the yard while BSing. Reason why? he was inconsiderate and selfish long before he killed himself. examples are pissing me off by doing his baseball diamond mowing pattern on his lawn but doing the turn around to do so on my lawn making mine look like shit after I asked him more than once to stop scalping and skidding my yard up. I really don't care what my grass looks like but the principle bugged me. It's just common courtesy he lacked. There are a lot of other reasons, like when my other neighbor on the other side walks across my back yard to throw dog crap at his house because she is fed up with his dog walking that far to take a crap in her yard without him even bothering to call his dog home after confronting him on it many times. He would see the dog leave the yard and just did nothing. Dogs roam, but you take action when you catch them in action. The guy just didn't care about much but himself. These are just a few, there are many instances with the rest of the hood. He was selfish and he ended it the same. His wife was complaining he was not looking for work. I left for work and his truck was there, still there when i came home, day after day. He was a recovered drunk I guess, I don't know if he was hitting the bottle again, but I don't think so because after he had some 4th of July party he had beers left by his guests and he wanted me to take them because he didn't drink. I think he would have hid them someplace if he was drinking again.
Like I said, it's not like we hated the guy, we just were not the close friends that you sometimes get to be with others. And that was the situation with pretty much everyone that lived around him.
I guess the question i have is how long do you wait to knock on the door and let the widow and kids know if they need anything to just ask? I figured I would wait a week to let the dust settle. I don't know, it is just a creepy situation. I can do my best to keep her driveway cleared this winter and help out when we can. The widow is pretty cool, we do like her a lot. She called my wife a lot from one of her 2 jobs and asked if she could let the dogs out when the guy was gone snowmobiling or whatever else it was that he was gone at times while she worked.

 

[Gerald Martin]

"I guess the question i have is how long do you wait to knock on the door and let the widow and kids know if they need anything to just ask?"

Go right away. It won't get easier for her and if you make contact now you'll be able to help her more when she needs you in the future. Knowing someone cares is probably the best help she could get right now.

 

[sreekers]

Schmalts, a meal goes a long way in that situation. If you bring over food, and a card that would likely be very well accepted at any point. Don't have to stay long, leave the offer to help in the card.

 

[jabber]

In my opinion, do the meal thing as soon as possible, and maybe a couple of times they are appreciated, and make the offer to help then. She probably won't take you up on the offer to help, so you should do that again in a week or so.