yoteler
New member
> Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and
> Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
> Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and
> South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
> information guidelines.
> In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list
> will be handed to each driver entering the state:
>
> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
> breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
> 2. It's called a 'gravel road' No matter how slow you drive, you're going
> to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need
> it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
>
> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
> Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>
> 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
> whipped... by our women.
>
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
> flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
> little trout you fish for...bait.
>
> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
> final approach, we will shoot it.! You might hope you don't have it up to
> your ear at the time.
>
> 8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
> you paid in the airport for one drink.
>
> 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
> it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds
of
> ham and turkey.
>
> 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
> over ice.
>
> 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're
> real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we use
> two weeks a year.
>
> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
> when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>
> 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want
> to So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
>
> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi
> and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>
> 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
> like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates
> 29, 35, & 69 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
>
> 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
> religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
>
> 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
> Understand the concept?
>
> 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard. It
> spooks our fish.
>
> 19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
> like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
>
> Now, enjoy your visit!
>
> Californians cross states such as Illinois, Ohio, Indiana, Wisconsin,
> Nebraska, Kansas, Iowa, Michigan, Missouri, Minnesota, North Dakota, and
> South Dakota, those states' Tourism Councils have adopted a set of
> information guidelines.
> In an effort to help outsiders understand the Midwest, the following list
> will be handed to each driver entering the state:
>
> 1. That farm boy standing next to the feed bin did more work before
> breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
>
> 2. It's called a 'gravel road' No matter how slow you drive, you're going
> to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four wheel drive because I need
> it. Drive it or get it out of the way.
>
> 3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old.
> Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
>
> 4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you
> whipped... by our women.
>
> 5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a
> flathead catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those
> little trout you fish for...bait.
>
> 6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
>
> 7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their
> final approach, we will shoot it.! You might hope you don't have it up to
> your ear at the time.
>
> 8. That's right. Whiskey is only two bucks. We can buy a fifth for what
> you paid in the airport for one drink.
>
> 9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order
> it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds
of
> ham and turkey.
>
> 10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served
> over ice.
>
> 11. So you have a sixty-thousand dollar car you drive on weekends. We're
> real impressed. We have a quarter of a million dollar combine that we use
> two weeks a year.
>
> 12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop
> when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.
>
> 13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want
> to So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.
>
> 14. Yeah, we eat catfish. Carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi
> and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.
>
> 15. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't
> like it? Interstates 70, 80, & 90 go two ways--Interstates
> 29, 35, & 69 go the other two. Pick one and use it accordingly.
>
> 16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a
> religious holiday. You can get breakfast at the church.
>
> 17. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly.
> Understand the concept?
>
> 18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Just don't hit in the water hazard. It
> spooks our fish.
>
> 19. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving
> like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.
>
> Now, enjoy your visit!
>
