A little humour for your day

antelopedundee · Jun 19, 2023

LITTLE JOHNNY AND I PRESUME!

"I Presume"

A school teacher asks her students to make a sentence containing the expression
"I presume."

One little girl raises her hand and says, "Yesterday, my mother hand washed the
dinner dishes and I presume the dishwasher was broken."

"Very good," responds the teacher.

Another student says, "This morning, my father drove the Volkswagen out of the garage and I presume the BMW wouldn't start."

"That's excellent," says the teacher.

Little Johnny in the back of the classroom gets up and says,
"Yesterday I saw grandpa leave the house with a newspaper under his arm and he
was headed for the woods, so I presume . "

The teacher interrupts him and says, "I stopped you because you have no idea what
your grandfather was going to do, so you can't presume anything."

Johnny says,
"Please, teacher, let me finish my sentence."

The teacher says, "Very well, continue."

Little Johnny continues and says, "As I was saying, I saw my grandpa head for
the woods with a newspaper under his arm. I presume he was going to
take a crap because he can't read."

antelopedundee · Jun 19, 2023

A punter was at the horse races playing the ponies and all but losing his shirt.

He noticed a Priest step out onto the track and blessed the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race.

Lo and behold, that horse - a very long shot - won the race.

Next race, as the horses lined up, the Priest stepped onto the track.

Sure enough, he blessed one of the horses.

The punter made a beeline for a betting window and placed a small

bet on the horse. Again, even though it was another long shot, the

horse won the race.

He collected his winnings, and anxiously waited to see which horse the Priest would bless next.

He bet big on it, and it won. As the races continued the Priest kept blessing long shots, and each one ended up winning.

The punter was elated. He made a quick dash to the ATM, withdrew all his savings, and awaited for the Priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet
on...

True to his pattern, the Priest stepped onto the track for the last race and

blessed the forehead of an old nag that was the longest shot of the day.

This time the priest blessed the eyes, ears, and hooves of the old nag. The

punter knew he had a winner and bet every cent he owned on the old nag.

He watched dumbfounded as the old nag came in last. In a state of shock, he went to the track area where the Priest was.

Confronting Him, he demanded, 'Father! What happened? All day long

you blessed horses and they all won. Then in the last race, the horse you

blessed lost by a mile. Now, thanks to you I've lost every cent of my savings!'

The Priest nodded wisely and with sympathy.

'Son,' he said, 'that's the problem with you Protestants,

you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and last rites.'