TTLS
New member
ONE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2
in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up
the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to
know 'if the coast is Clear."
TWO
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a
compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She
opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person
looks familiar." the second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second
one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so
she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in
the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She
opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to
her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it" The
blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOUR
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIVE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant? "Is it mine?"
SIX
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,
she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch
and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My
Goodness!" the trooper exclaimed "Your car looks like an accordion
that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he
surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving
along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front
of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the
right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a
tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging
back and forth."
SEVEN
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9
unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer
approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out
on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat
down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2
in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up
the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know,
that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
The husband said, "Who was that?"
The wife said, "I don't know; some woman wanting to
know 'if the coast is Clear."
TWO
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a
compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She
opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person
looks familiar." the second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second
one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"
THREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so
she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in
the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She
opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to
her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it" The
blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
FOUR
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."
FIVE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was
pregnant? "Is it mine?"
SIX
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously,
she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch
and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My
Goodness!" the trooper exclaimed "Your car looks like an accordion
that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?"
"Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped.
"Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he
surveyed the wrecked car.
"Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. "I was driving
along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front
of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree!
I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the
right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...."
"Uh, ma'am," the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a
tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging
back and forth."
SEVEN
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and
reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels, and a K-9
unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer
approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out
on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat
down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come
home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and
what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"
